1 | An open letter to new managers
Managing a new team can be a real challenge whether you are a first-time manager or are working with a new team.
In this encouraging episode, I share what I wished someone said to me when I became a new manager. It has some of my best advice to help you trust in yourself and open up to a style of management that helps you feel more connected and fulfilled. And you'll learn the two things every team needs to reach peak performance.
I believe that we need leaders who are more inclusive and diverse because the future is calling us to be more innovative and creative as we face increasing complexity. Ready to learn how to create a collaborative environment where teams can perform at the highest levels? Tune into this episode.
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Transcript
Dear New Manager,
Welcome to the club. You’ve probably been preparing for this role your whole life. And you are ready.
Your brain is going to try to convince you that you pulled the wool over the eyes of your hiring manager. Don’t believe it - this thought is just a waste of your time and energy. So let’s table that for now because you’ve got a lot to do.
You may have already had an “Oh shit!” moment where you asked yourself, “What did I get myself into? Am I really up for this?”
Don’t worry. It happens to most of us at the beginning - in part because of the messages we receive about what it takes to be a good manager. I don’t have time to get into where all of this comes from right now or why it is problematic but trust me when I tell you that you aren’t alone in this and that a big part of leadership development is learning to trust yourself and to be present to what is needed at the moment.
So… My best advice to you: Throw everything you think you know about management out the window and just trust yourself.
A mistake new managers make in their panic is to rush out and read a bunch of books or enter a training program to ‘be a good manager.’
But this just tends to feed your insecurity and send you chasing a bunch of tactics that may or may not work for you. Which means you are wasting precious time and energy. And it makes it harder for you to listen to your own intuition and the wisdom that is already in the room.
Your natural strengths and talents are enough to take this team to the next level. Let’s start by working with that and then get targeted support in areas you actually need help with as stuff comes up.
You may be wondering… But won’t trusting myself or throwing all the rules out the window make me an arrogant asshole who is operating in the dark?
No. The fact that you are even asking this question tells me that you are the kind of person that would have a hard time being a jerk.
The former Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern proved that the future of leadership is kindness. She showed that empathic leaders can also be strong and bold. In Leading With Empathy, Ardern says:
“I think one of the sad things that I’ve seen in political leadership is – because we’ve placed over time so much emphasis on notions of assertiveness and strength – that we probably have assumed that it means you can’t have those other qualities of kindness and empathy.
“And yet, when you think about all the big challenges that we face in the world, that’s probably the quality we need the most. We need our leaders to be able to empathize with the circumstances of others; to empathize with the next generation that we’re making decisions on behalf of. And if we focus only on being seen to be the strongest, most powerful person in the room, then I think we lose what we’re meant to be here for.”
I’ve done a lot of research on leadership, and what I’ve learned by reading Daniel Goleman and others, is that the key factors in developing high-quality leadership are two things:
Self-awareness (the ability to be mindful, or conscious, about what you do, how you do it, and why you do it) and
Emotional intelligence (the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions + the capacity to recognize, understand, and empathize with the emotions of others).
Leaders who are both self-aware and emotionally intelligent have the potential to become resilient visionaries.
But if you are self-aware and lack emotional intelligence, you end up being an egocentric architect. You may have a strategy or idea to execute, but not the chops to motivate and direct the team to make things happen.
And if you have emotional intelligence but lack self-awareness, you end up being an empathic martyr. You spend too much time focusing on others or making sure people are comfortable, that you tend to sacrifice on the mission (or worse, yourself).
Many new managers are worried about becoming a doormat if they are too kind out of the gate. Isn’t that a legitimate concern?
Nope. Because when you are listening to your inner voice and staying present to what is needed in the moment, you get good at also listening to your body and what you need. And it is easier to set boundaries or intuit when you are being taken advantage of from that grounded space.
And there is no science behind the idea that being nice or likable means you are more likely to be a push-over or that people won’t respect you. It’s an old-way of thinking with a lack of evidence to back-it-up.
SO, How do you create a collaborative environment where teams can perform at the highest levels?
Great Q. At the big-picture level, It all comes down to alignment and attunement - combining the head and the heart of your team.
Alignment has to do with getting everyone on the same page and pointed in the right direction.
This is the strategy part of the job that is often most appealing to new managers -they’ve been waiting to have the authority to make changes and can’t wait to put their ideas into action for the benefit of the team.
Typical alignment activities look like:
Develop a clear vision and goals for the team
Set expectations for employees and provide feedback
Identify the strengths and weaknesses of the team and design work-flow to align with strengths
Utilize existing resources and create new ones
Prioritize tasks and delegate responsibilities
These are all things that I help my clients with….
CAUTION: Tendency to stay up to date on industry trends and best practices. It is MORE IMPORTANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR CUSTOMER AND FOCUS ON SOLVING REAL PROBLEMS FOR THEM AND CREATING VALUE, no matter what your competitors or the industry is doing. Best practices can be a trap because your brain is naturally looking for a formula of what will work based on what has worked for others in the past -it is wired for efficiency and it is looking for certainty that you’ll be effective the first time you try something. But leaders of the future really need to stay focused on the customer - listening to stakeholders and co-creating solutions that meet real needs right now. Because things are moving too quickly… Have you heard the term VUCA world?
That’s alignment - and you can see that this is primarily coming from the thinking side of things. Now let’s talk about the feeling side of things.
Attunement has to do with developing trust within your team. In the literature, this is often referred to as psychological safety, but the main thing to know here is that without a solid foundation of trust, your team is hosed.
What you will come to find out soon is that your job is fundamentally a ‘people’ job. This might sound obvious as a manager, but hear me out. Often we get promoted for a strategy or action we’ve taken or want to take. But fundamentally, your ability to accomplish your goals is dependent on the people who make up your team. And it takes a lot of time to really listen to people and meet them where they are at. So just plan for that.
Science clearly tells us people are more likely to leave their jobs because of a lack of support or connection to their boss. A 2019 US study revealed 57% of employees quit because of their boss. 14% have left multiple jobs because of their managers and 32% have seriously considered leaving because of their managers. So be the kind of boss that people feel seen with and supported from. It is much easier to invest in the people you have than to try to recruit when you experience turnover.
We think we can just hire someone who is better or find someone with a different skillset that is a better match. When in reality, it’s often more efficient for you to work with what you have and invest in your people - because that really is the core asset of your team.
Project Aristotle, a well-known Google study on building the perfect team found that.“** The behaviors that create psychological safety — taking turns in conversation and empathy — are part of the same unwritten rules we often turn to as individuals, when we need to establish a bond. And those human bonds matter as much at work as anywhere else. In fact, they sometimes matter more.” Google’s intense data collection and number crunching have led it to the same conclusions that good managers have always known. In the best teams, members listen to one another and show sensitivity to feelings and needs.
So try to establish authentic relationships with staff early on. Make time to get out and talk to your customers. These investments will add up over time.
Attunement often comes down to good communication: There are things about being human that get in the way of good communication and add a layer of stress that just doesn’t have to be there.
Tricky personality dynamics can be a part of this job that most people dread - it’s hard to know what to do in awkward or tense moments! But I have some tricks I can teach you that will make this much easier using the Enneagram personality system - which will help you feel more resourced and confident when things do come up.
But the main thing to understand is that great leaders deal with difficult situations with authenticity and empathy.
According to Jacinda: “I actually decided I didn’t necessarily want to build some tough exterior. Instead, I just learned how to filter things; how to kind of take on board that criticism and listen to it when I needed to, or otherwise say, ‘Well, actually that person’s just coming from a very different perspective’, and just learn how to filter it. And so that was a really big learning curve, you know? Actually, the world doesn’t need a whole lot of massively thick-skinned politicians; they do need people who care.” And the same is true in business, no matter how big your company is or what stage of development your team is in. We’re all human and have needs of motivation like belonging, love, safety, and esteem. Compassionate leadership is the ability to do hard things in a human way.
Some advice: Make sure you Invest in your personal development - the truth is your stress and enjoyment at work can improve even if your situation or the people around you are a mess. But it is impossible to see this if you aren’t self-aware. This is a lot of the work that we do together in an executive coaching relationship.
A word of caution before you proceed:
There may be parts of the job that you won’t like or pieces that you aren’t good at. That’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers or do it yourself. You just have to create an environment where the work can be done collaboratively. And the biggest piece of this is staying open and listening carefully.
Additionally, You need to get comfortable with the fact that you may be the elephant in the room anytime you run into a problem or face tension. (Remember those stats I just shared on the majority of people leaving their jobs because of their boss?) Your ego is going to freak out and get defensive or try to blame it on others, resources, timing, etc. Sometimes that will be true, but that ego defensiveness is obscuring your vision and making it hard for you to do a good job. Accepting that you might be part of the problem and modeling owning your contribution to the current situation are huge contributors to team effectiveness and can get you back on track quickly.
The main thing I want you to take away…. You’ve got this. Take a deep breath. Carve out time to build those bonds and listen closely. And trust yourself.
Wishing you the very best,
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